IN HER FEELINGS

TO NEW BEGINNINGS

I'm starting this blog back up again for a handful of reasons, but mostly because I feel like I have lost myself over the last couple of years, and part of me feels like maybe it’s possible to write myself back to a place of healing and forward momentum in my life.

Things have not panned out how I once thought they would. It feels like I have been stuck in Jell-O for the past couple of years, unable to progress or make strides in an external capacity, no matter how great my efforts are. The biggest stumbling block being that my career has taken a nosedive and honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I always envisioned myself as a career girly, someone who worked long hours, was always emailing or on the computer, someone who climbed the corporate ladder easily, and became an important part of an organization where I eventually make big decisions. Yet, the reality is quite the opposite. After losing a job (that I didn’t particularly care for) unexpectedly in April, I’m finding it tough to even get interviews for positions I am overqualified for.

I was hopeful in the Spring, spending my whole days tailoring cover letters and applying to jobs like crazy but it has just become more disheartening as Summers unfolded. Not a single interview, not even a phone interview! July rolled around and I was frustrated and fed up. I decided that instead of spending all day hunched over a computer trying to get people to see the value in me, maybe I should add value to my own life. I timeblocked my schedule to accommodate both professional and personal goals—I filled my time with learning to cook new recipes, and deep cleaning my space. I explored my neighbourhood with my dog, and read books that have been on my TBR list for ever.

Being productive has increased my will to live and sometimes improves my mood but mostly it leaves me feeling unsettled. I struggle with the idea of not achieving enough while knowing that any break between positions moves me further back from the life I envisioned for myself. Deciding to take some time to enjoy the nicest months of the year was not an easy decision, and I mean that sincerely, I try not to carry a lot of guilt for not being able to adequately contribute to our savings account—not having a steady income puts off our future, there is no other way around it.

My partner and I decided last year that we were going to start our family but I’m uncertain about whether I have the means to do so anymore. I feel as though I am falling behind in life and can’t shake the sense that I’m being punished for some reason unbeknownst to me. I thought I took all the right steps and had the right attitude but it seems like all my expectations have fallen apart.

Last week, I sat down and wrote what was on my heart for the first time in over a year and I realized it was what I was missing! I have been so focused on staying productive that I neglected the importance of reflection, processing, and creativity. A lot has happened this year and I haven’t given myself the chance to work through it. Writing is something that I used to turn to to get my truth out. I have always been a natural communicator, loving to express myself openly and often loudly. I find comfort in words and stories but it is within the quiet of my own journal’s pages where I find true salvation. And it’s been too long since I’ve given myself the freedom to write without any specific purpose or agenda.

This is the first time I’ve decided to publically post my writing. I've never been one to share myself openly online, especially since there are so many people out there already sharing so much of themselves. That feeling and my insecurities are something I have harboured for a long time and definitely is something I am looking to explore further later on. I wish the vastness of the internet fueled me instead of intimidating me. But despite that, I love everything about social media, and it feels like my presence online is necessary and it’s time for me to step out of the shadows and let myself be known.

I have decided that I am going to use this platform as the marker of change occurring in my life. Instead of focusing on the crappy parts, I am choosing to lean into what makes me feel good. I am ready to be seen and fully known. I deserve a platform and to build a community. I am no longer ashamed of who I am or what I have or haven’t done. I am giving myself the gift of grace. I have spent far too long denying my existence and holding myself back from the world and yet, have no reason to justify the unfair and frankly cruel punishment I’ve placed upon myself. I want to shout from the rooftops that I am here, whole, vibrant and eager to share my journey, my truths, and the inevitable transformation unfolding in my life with the world.

Coming out from it on the other side, it is ridiculous that we torture ourselves for years with fear and indecision when time and action are the simple cure to stagnation—everything else will follow. If there has been anything I’ve learned from all the hours clocked reading self-help and wellness books in this life of mine, it’s that you should just do it. Do the thing you can’t stop thinking about! It’s not going to be perfect, nothing ever is on the first shot but waiting probably won’t make it any better. I’ve always wanted a corner of the Internet all for myself. I’ve practically been writing this blog in my phone’s notes for years and I’ve finally come to a place of confidence and faith where it seems foolish to keep me all to myself.

So in saying all that, I'd like to formally welcome you to the little space I’ve carved out for myself on this big ol’ internet. This is essentially your virtual invitation to ride shotgun alongside me as I navigate my time on this planet. Unlike if you were actually riding shotgun in my car, I'd love to hear any comments or feedback you have, so please please please don't be shy! I have so much to explore and write about and I am both excited about finally having a place to put all my thoughts and feelings, and nervous about where this will all take me.

My hope is that the words I share here will not only offer you a fresh perspective on your own life but also inspire you to actively work toward becoming the best version of yourself. Great things are on the horizon. No matter what you’re currently going through, there is much to look forward to and even more to be grateful for.

Onward and upward!

With all my love,
Jen

RE: RESOLUTIONS

I wouldn't say that I'm an overly disciplined or regimented person. I keep resolutions more as mindful guidelines rather than as rules or boxes to check off each day/week/month. I know that when I resolve to do or not do something, it's ultimately for my greater good. And eventually, I'll adopt it, but I don't like the pressure of full commitment right off the bat.

I used to try and be strict about keeping my resolutions, but it was counterproductive because it just ended up making me feel bad about myself when I couldn't keep up with the ambitious schedules I made for myself. But! I think I've finally discovered the happy medium between the two where I can do my own thing and still achieve what I want.

Last year, my biggest resolution was to take everything in stride. I had a lot on my plate at the beginning of the year and the goal was just to survive it all. I have a tendency to be a little bit of a control freak, so I (kinda) learned to chill. But I really liked the way 2019 went because everything ended up working out how it was supposed to. There was always a way to get through the days even if it wasn't anywhere close to the original plan that I started the day with.

My resolutions this year are mainly centred around taking better care of myself, developing more lifelong skills and being a better human in the world and to people around me.

Here's the shortlist:
+ Continue taking life as it comes in stride and learning how to trust the unfolding process more.
+ Drink more water.
+ Surround myself with more beautiful things. More art. More nature.
+ Have more experiences. Do more things! Go on more weekend getaways/vacations and date nights out.
+ Cook more often, and try making different cuisines and recipes.
+ Find and embrace other ways to take steps towards a more sustainable lifestyle.
+ Work on being a better friend—be more social and willing to make plans.
+ Continue to nourish my mind with books and podcasts. I'd like to double the number of books I read in 2019.
+ Take better care of the skin on my body. Moisturize more!
+ Continue to create space daily in my life for big things to happen.
+ Get my student debt down to under $10k and keep track of my spending.
+ Work on being more patient with those around me. And bettering my eye contact.
+ Familiarize myself more with my physical body by exploring different practices of yoga and movement.
+ Continue to work towards living a minimal lifestyle. Getting rid of everything that no longer serves me or brings me joy.
+ Write daily for myself.

I'm overwhelmed with good thoughts, hopes and positive energy for 2020! New decades are so exciting, especially in such pivotal times and ages. May 2020 bring peace, healing and kindness to all. May the coming decade bring in deeper friendships, richer relationships, abundance, travel, growth, movement and may it fill us up with purpose and give us the tools to elevate the way we live.

MY 2019

A few victories..

+ I found the courage to release things I had outgrown that were no longer filling me up or serving me.

+ I proved myself capable of not only completing my postgrad program but also finishing with high marks, accolades and recognition from the faculty.

+ I learned how to finally stand up for myself and not compromise who I am and what I want for other people.

+ I learned how to embrace the things I'm naturally good at without feeling guilty or shameful about owning those traits and qualities out loud.

+ I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone who feels like home. This thing that started out of nowhere has grown to be one of the biggest and my most favourite part of life. He is supportive and caring, loving and patient. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to not only have access to him but also because he is my person. We've had a great year and I've learned so much about myself through him and by being around him. I can't wait for what the future has in store for us.

+ I made strides forward in lifelong projects. I started my commonplace book and this blog, as well as actualized a few other projects. I've set myself up for success by organizing, building and implementing more systems into my life. I'm excited about building a future on the foundation I spent 2019 constructing.

I could keep going! 2019 was really special because it was filled with so many new experiences and opportunities for growth; times when I had to step up and prove myself and other times to be proved completely wrong. I am a changed human being coming out of this year and I feel more connected to myself than I ever have before.

I've come to a lot of understandings about life over the past year but I think my biggest takeaway is that everything must be taken in stride and that when something is for you, you'll know. Sometimes I feel like a broken record when I state the truths and realities that make up my existence––I denied who I was and the truths that come along with this person for so, so long that I can’t help but want to share what I know with others.

But now we're here, and I'm me and there is someone who loves me because of that, and I went back to school and got a job and everything is better. So 2019, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. There were so many times throughout the year I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest from pure happiness. Thank you for proving me capable, I am overflowing with peace and gratitude.

Here's to an abundant and prosperous future. Xx

HUMBER PR TAKEAWAYS

Along with learning about the public relations landscape, Humber helped me learn a lot about myself and the person I am in a greater context. As someone who spends a lot of time reading self-help books and seeking out personal growth, I didn't expect college to have such a profound impact on me. I felt going back to school was a necessary part of my journey and I am thankful to have had the experience. The points below encompass the bigger, overarching lessons that I felt clicked for me during my time at Humber. So maybe you've already come to understand these lessons on your path already, and if so, take note of how beautiful the differences in our journeys are, that have led to similar outcomes.

When you've made your point. Stop talking.

I'm sure everyone has been in this position at some point: you've finished talking and the person you're talking to isn't saying anything so you feel obligated to keep speaking, and then you eventually end up rambling on or saying something stupid and random, and making yourself look dumb. This doesn't need to happen because you're afraid of coming off rude or cold. I think it's rude of someone who is engaged with you in conversation, to watch you struggle to find words where there aren't any anymore. In the same way that "no" is a complete sentence, when you've made your point what you've said is sufficient. Even if it was one word. People need to accept what you said and you need to be okay with that awkward silence that follows when you've said what you needed to say.

In PR, especially being in a spokesperson position, you need to not only know when enough is enough but also how to bridge to key messages. Understanding and employing this in every part of my life has really given me back my power because I don't feel like I'm being drained as I once was.

People want to help.

We do it by nature: you know someone who would be perfect for something else, whether it be a job or a person or activity, whatever, and you connect the two. It feels good to be useful to others around us in the same way it feels good to be relevant and remembered by those around us. Shout out to the Karma Gods! But yes, reach out to people and ask them the things you want to know. Lots of people learn to simply be able to share their vast knowledge with those around them who share a common goal of a better future. Good people know good people, don't be afraid to ask someone to introduce you to someone else you want to connect with. Don't feel bad, or ashamed or guilty for asking. That's what we're here for, and the worst response you can get is no. And in my experience, people think it is more strange that someone wouldn't want to help than someone that would.

Another piece of advice I received that goes hand-in-hand with this is, that if you have something to bring to the table, you will always be more welcome. It is important to remember that all relationships are reciprocal to some degree, if you want to brush shoulders with useful people, you must also be a useful person.

Play to your strengths.

I used to be weird about playing to my strengths because they were also the thing that got me in trouble the most in school. I've always been a natural leader and I would get in trouble for being too bossy or outspoken. So, going into group projects at school was weird because I wanted to contribute and do what I do best, without everyone hating me for those qualities.

It's different in adulthood, people respect the person who takes the reins because they ultimately won't have to do it themselves. My best advice to you in all situations is to get familiar with what you're good at, cultivate it and don't be afraid to advocate for those skills when it comes down to deciding who's doing what. There's also nothing wrong with trying something out of your wheelhouse every once in a while to make sure it actually isn't something you're good at.

Clear, concise and correct.

There's truly nothing I love more than a good run-on sentence. But if I'm being honest, everything can be better edited. And shorter. And tighter. I think everyone can appreciate direct, straightforward communication that is not concerned with meeting a word count.

My communication style has totally altered this year. When I communicate, I am now more mindful of what I am going to say beforehand because the better you say it (especially in PR), the less time you spend answering questions. I love it when I can take something and get the message across more clearly and concisely. I've also come to enjoy editing and become elated at really well-written content. Be warned: this may happen to you as well.

Craft a better story.

I have been telling the same story about myself since I had a story to tell. It never once dawned on me that I had the power to change the narrative or pick and choose which pieces stayed and which became irrelevant. I learned that my story is my truth, and I get to pick the parts that get mentioned and brought forward with me. I am as interesting as I want to be and as open of a book as I choose to be. Not everyone needs to know the details, and not everyone keeps up with what I am doing––therefore, I am always in the midst of crafting.

I truly feel like the world is my oyster and I'm so excited to start my internship in a few short weeks. I hope these takeaways are beneficial and useful in your life in some capacity.

TIPS + TRICKS FOR HUMBER PR

Firstly, I'd like to disclaim that the PR program is always being updated and changed as trends change within the industry. The faculty at Humber are awesome, and they're constantly adjusting the curriculum because of the pacing or feedback they receive along the way from previous students and whisperings of the industry. These tips were jotted down in live time and they are a collection of knowledge I learned while I was in the program, and maybe some advice I would have liked to have known beforehand.

First and foremost, make sure you take the time to set up a good organizational system. At the end of the first week, I went home and organized everything. I set up a deliverables calendar in a Google Docs table, as well as the calendar on my computer. It helped to have everything lined up in a table format and felt productive when I crossed them out after handing in the assignment.
Start a Slack channel with your class instead of using Facebook Messenger. You will be so thankful you did. We used it not only as a collaboration tool but as a socialization tool as well. We had channels for each class, as well as one for The Bachelor, one for socializing and one for participating in an extracurricular like the Spartan Race.
Don't get wrapped up in the grades aspect, it's important, but it's more important that you are understanding and making mistakes now.
Keep the end in mind––think portfolios, practical knowledge and takeaways you want to bring with you onward, it’s not just about passing tests and getting good grades.
Embrace reading the news and having an opinion on what's going on. Embrace listening to 680 News in the mornings on the way to school. The world is so interesting and you're lucky enough to see the stuff you talk about in class unfold all over the news in real time, it's better than case studies!
Fatal errors are much scarier in theory, but if and when you get them, they should remind you to be more detail-oriented going forward. Double and triple-check your work!
The weight of the world doesn’t rest on just one thing (one assignment, one class etc). Kalene will say it multiple times. It's PR, not ER. Breathe!
Re: group projects. It helps to figure out who you work best with and what you can do best, then divide and conquer. In the beginning, we all wanted to be in charge of how the work got done and that wasn't a productive mindset in group work. Do your part, the work always gets done and the same person doesn't have to manage every project.
Friends happen. Not everyone goes into the program looking to find friends, some people are really good at compartmentalizing their lives. But friends happen.
A lot of PR is summarizing and re-framing content to be more digestible for the outside world.
Ask around in the class if you are confused. You're a team and you can't be good at everything. When you are good at something, play to that strength and help others.
The profs are on your side, they really want you to succeed. You're not going to connect with all of them, but make the effort because they're really great people and mentors.
Nothing in this program is ever isolated.
Take advantage of the student title while you can. Go out and meet with people and ask them questions and explore the world you're getting into, look at all the options, send bold emails, ask for the things you want. Everything in this time can be chalked up to you being an inexperienced, yet hungry student.
The PR world can be a hard world to break into! Don't feel discouraged if it doesn't happen for you the way it happens for your peers. Everyone is interested in different realms of PR and will land in totally different fields once their careers begin.
And the best advice: put your head down and just do the work! I can't tell you how many times I've tried to avoid getting something done by not doing it. You don't really have time to avoid doing assignments in this program, especially if you have or want to have anything else going on in your life. Aka start your assignments as early as you can even if it is just the outline.

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need further clarification! Xx

HUMBER PR APPLICATION + INTERVIEW PROCESS

To be completely transparent, Humber was my first and only choice of school for my postgrad certificate. All of the programs offered by Humber are great, but the public relations program has an untouchable reputation both locally and internationally for being one of the best programs in the industry.

For someone like myself, who waited a couple of years to go back to school, and during that time away ended up getting agency experience––the program's selling point of being ready on the first day was something that really appealed to me. Another huge selling feature was the Humber grad network, to be a part of that and to be able to connect with anyone within it, has been and will continue to be invaluable for the growth of my career.

I did a lot of research before I applied, as well as before my interview to figure out what exactly public relations is. And as much as I researched, I didn’t really get a definitive understanding of what it is and how it differs from marketing, so if you are in that boat––don't panic! I picked this industry because of the attributes I naturally have and how well they line up with what I read online about successful PR people. It sounds ridiculous retelling that now in hindsight, but it was the only tangible and remotely logical piece of information I could grasp that propelled me forward at the time.

I went to the open house and spoke with a few of the professors to get my questions and concerns cleared up. Being able to get everything addressed and answered definitely helped make the decision much clearer. I will say that the professors do warn you, it is a lot of work and you make it harder on yourself if you aren't fully committed to the program for the entire duration. Eight months can feel like forever.. in good and bad ways.

Application Process

I applied through the Ontario Colleges' website. There was a fee to apply, I believe it was $80-$90. To be accepted for real, you have to go for an interview and provide a writing sample. It didn't take long to be accepted. Once I was accepted, I booked an interview slot and was asked to write a letter of intent to be in the program.

Writing Sample

The writing sample can vary year to year. The piece is read by someone other than the person who interviews you to avoid any bias. With the writing piece, the reader is looking to make sure you know the basics; like how to string words together to form comprehensible sentences. It isn't hard. I believe it only has to be one page. I definitely overthought mine and took the full two weeks to write it. Double-check it for grammar and punctuation and then bring a paper copy to your interview.

Interview Portion + Quiz

The interview portion seems to be the most nerve-racking part. The interviews are normally scheduled in blocks, so you'll be sitting in another classroom with a bunch of other potential classmates waiting for your turn. The interview lasts maybe ten minutes, 15 if you are chatty. They ask you to talk about yourself, why you are interested in public relations (having a loose understanding of why you want to get into it is good enough). Standard getting-to-know-you questions. You don't have to be dressed to the nines either, a nice shirt and dark jeans do the trick. You have to look presentable.

The last part of the interview is a five-question current affairs quiz. In the program, especially in the first semester, students complete current affairs quizzes almost weekly. Reading the news and staying up to date, especially on Canadian affairs is important and seen as a requirement for the program––and a requirement in life, eventually. When they quiz you during the interview, they're just making sure you are paying attention to headlines and important details of storylines that are most current at the time.

I really enjoyed my time at Humber. Now that I have completed the program and have a little break before my internship, I'm going to be writing more content on my experience.

I hope this helps make your decision easier. If you ever have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to me!

AND SHE'S BACK!

Hello hello, coming to you live from my couch where I have been parked for most of this rainy afternoon. It’s been dark and cloudy today, thunder-storming on and off—the perfect kind of weather to do a whole lotta nothing in.

Friday was the last day of my public relations postgrad certificate program. I’m sad that it’s over, but I am so excited to have my time and life back! Any sort of personal project or personal anything, really, that I had been working on before was placed on the back burner until I finished school––and now that I’m almost done, we are back in action! And it feels so good!

Humber has been the bedrock of my evolution this year, I don’t think I would have achieved all the little milestones in the other areas of my life without having school as a reason to get up and participate every day. I knew in my heart that going back to school was exactly what I needed to do. From the very first day of the program, my classmates felt oddly familiar and now some of us have grown to really love and care for each other. I'm so grateful for the last (almost) eight months and I’m really excited about having new, life-long friends on top of everything else that I feel like I’ve acquired from not only this program but in other areas of my life as well.

I’m still taking everything all in. I don’t think the full impact of actually being finally done has hit me yet. I woke up this morning anxious about what was on my to-do list for today, only to realize that it’s empty! I can finally finish the book I’ve been slowly chipping away at, and go back to the gym, and definitely publish more content before my internship starts––I have so many ideas jotted down, I can’t wait to share!

Talk soon!! xx

FEBRUARY CATCH UP

It’s been a hectic couple of months adjusting to my new reality but I actually can't complain! It’s been so nice being busy and having my own thing to focus my attention and brainpower on. The program I’m in school for right now is intense but I’ve got a good group of people in my class and the community we’re building has already been such a lifesaver. I was nervous about going back to school—you know, taking three years off between my undergrad and grad school, whether people would like me, how I was going to assimilate, all that stuff but I guess since we jumped right into things, there has been no time to actually worry about any of that.

I can feel the newness and excitement starting to wear off so I’m looking for other ways to keep the motivation going. A big focus of mine this month and going forward is time management. I’ve been trying to anchor myself down into a routine that a) I look forward to and b) checks all the productive and self-care boxes necessary. Which has been harder than I thought! I’m very much a ‘go with the flow’ kinda girl, so the discipline of a schedule can feel restrictive at times. I will say though, I am loving the early mornings. I was nervous about the commute, especially in the winter but surprisingly, it's been the most meditative part of my day. I get to drink my bulletproof coffee in accompaniment with the news on the radio and a podcast or two if I have them queued.

I finished reading The Nest by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney, which I thought was light and entertaining. It surrounds a dysfunctional family of four siblings as they find their lives upturned when the inheritance that they had been counting on for their entire adult lives—and overspending in confidence of receiving it—is basically depleted when their mother uses it to pay out a settlement after one of the siblings is in a scandalous accident. The story kind of fizzles towards the end and the ending ties up a little neater than it should have but overall it was a good read. I think it would make a really good movie! I'm now about a third of the way through Idaho by Emily Ruskovich which has been a strange book so far. I'm having trouble even trying to synthesize it here for you guys. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but will get back to you when I finish it.

Another focus for me this month has been centring myself. With spending so much of my days with and among people, I’ve been exploring different ways to release other energy from my energy field and come home to myself each and every day. I realized last year that I have a tendency to carry around other’s excess energy so I have to be dutiful about clearing it out and clearing it often or else I can burn out quickly. These feelings of heaviness that aren't mine showed up in my life about a year ago and were driving me bonkers until I started reading about energy and how auric fields work. Clearing energy is relatively easy and enjoyable, I’ve been taking a lot of baths with Epsom salt and I committed to my first moon circle of 2019 this month. I also bought a shower softener in an attempt to add more quality to the little daily things.

And in saving the best for last, I went on a few dates with an old friend from high school who I’ve been talking to recently and the dates went soooo well!! He's so cute I'm so excited, so we’ll see where that takes us. If all goes well, he would be my first boyfriend which is scary and exciting! I am really busy with school so it helps keep my obsessive tendencies at bay. Without being so busy all day I would probably sit around thinking about him or texting him and never actually get anything done in my life. At first, I was kind of annoyed that this has even transpired while I'm in school (because it had the other 24 years of my life to manifest), but I truly think that school has been my saving grace in boundaries and keeping up my hot cool girl persona with him.

That is all I have time for today. I have class in 15 minutes and want to get a smoothie before it starts. I hope you all have had a wonderful February so far and I will chat with you soon!